Doin' the Laundry

Why I Love Teaching - #4

2011-06-26T13:44:00.000-06:00

Because, like Gogstoppers and the question why, it is the job that never ends. It just goes on and on, my friends.

Lies are not lies if you don't know you're telling them, right?

School was NOT out for the summer as I reported to you on June 4. Since then, I've taken a 3-day course called Teach Like a Champion, spent two weeks finishing up a literacy course through BYU and attended 5 days' worth of training for the new Common Core that is coming soon to a state near you. Nor did I know that the training would continue into the coming school year (six more sessions!!) or that I would be DOING the training the year after that!

This job has tentacles.

Next week: Monday I train on a ropes course somewhere up in the hills so I can teach my Jr. Latinos confidence. Or is it leadership? I forget. After that, I have until Thursday at high noon to submit an entire unit of study to the state Common Core folks to publish on the Utah State Office of Education website for use by other teachers such as myself, complete with handouts, reading materials and tests I will use to assess if anybody learned anything or not.

THEN and only then, or so I'm told, SCHOOL WILL BE OUT FOR THE SUMMER!

I'm neither bragging nor complaining, just stating the facts as I know 'em, Ma'am. Just stating the facts as I know 'em.

Why I Love Teaching - #3

2011-06-04T09:25:00.001-06:00

BECAUSE IT'S OVER FOR THE SUMMER !!!

Now, for just a minute, I can

tend the petunias
sweep the driveway
wash windows
iron
rearrange the furniture
hang a picture
find those jeans
clean the fridge
exercise
sleep in
paint my toenails
pull some weeds
take down the Christmas tree (just kidding)
that was last summer
in August, in fact,
just in time for Amanda's wedding
vacuum
vacuum some more

Or not.

Oh, the joyful freedom of it all!

Why I Love Teaching - #2 or Why I Prefer the Age I'm At*

2011-02-24T21:10:00.001-07:00

On my way home from school last night, I turn on my phone and check the text messages:

TEXT #1 (from a 9th grade girl student of mine): "Please, please, please, Miss G., don't let Balentina (not her real name) into our class!!!

TEXT #2 (from same girl): "She's drama!!"

Earlier that day:

GIRL (the same 9th grade girl student coming into my room): Miss G., did you tell Balentina that she could be in our class?

ME: No, I don't think so. I don't think I even know a Balentina.

GIRL: Well, she said you accepted her into the class and she's been telling everybody all over the school that she's changing her schedule and coming in!!!!!!

ME: Hmmmm. That's news to me. But why does that bother you?

STUDENT: Because we...well...uh, we just...I don't know.

ME: You mean you don't get along?

STUDENT: Yeah. She HATES me because her boyfriend from first grade is with ME now.

(Whah whah whah.)

*Ending preposition, though not grammatically correct, was intentionally placed at the end of this title.

Why I Love Teaching - #1

2011-01-10T17:11:00.001-07:00

7th Grade Girl (walking into class): I'm having a really bad day!
Me: Already? It's only the beginning of first period!
Girl: I know, but I am.
Me: Why? What happened?
Girl: I'm wearing too much perfume.
Me: Did someone tell you that?
Girl: No, but I can smell it.
Me: Well, I can't smell it so it must not be THAT bad!
Girl: And I've got on too much lip gloss.
Me: I think it looks pretty. Besides, you need to put lip gloss on all day long just to keep your lips from cracking in this cold, dry weather.
Girl (pulling lip gloss out of pocket to show me): I wear a lot of it because it smells so good. Cinnamon.
Me: Oooo! I'd wear a lot of that, too, just for the yummy smell!
Girl: Plus, I have gas.

Provo Tabernacle Goes Up in Flames

2010-12-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

It's a pretty sad day when a landmark like this is destroyed by fire. It's so easy to think these treasures will be around forever, that they're often taken for granted.

ksl.com - Provo firefighters still fighting tabernacle fire (Gallery Viewer)

Christmas Surprise!

2010-12-13T06:30:00.002-07:00

My friend Jane from Macon sent me this. Enjoy. Many times.

Oh. My. Goodness.

2010-11-13T13:09:00.004-07:00

A prize to the person who finds the most mistakes in this comment that I found written in response to an article in the Deseret News. Is it the curse of being an English teacher or is it just me? Please, please, PLEASE tell me this is just a punctuation/capitalization/usage satire or I think I'll quit my job FOREVER! And then there's the content. And the grammar. And, the announcement to everyone and their dog that he's a Mormon, to boot!

Help me, Rhonda.

"It's LDS Church leaders that strongly urge "moderate" (that's a liberal term by the way), approach to illegal immigration reform, not all Church Member's and American Citizen's. I refuse too participate with that thinking. Utah must obey all the written law's of the land and "NEVER" ever adopt a phony illegal humane approach to this reality, reflecting on their culture, history and spirit of inclusion. Right now Utah don't respect the rule of law and support law enforcement's professional judgment and discretion. They try to turn "federal code's" into minor State civil violations stuffed into Bill's in Congress along with earmarks and pork. while they oppose policies that unnecessarily separate families and deport the parent's, when they have the right to take their "welfare kid's" along with them. Utah don't really acknowledge the non-economic role illegal immigrants play while real American workers and taxpayers pay for while they are here. That's my view, like it or not. And I'm a Mormon also. Plus a true conservative that does not hide the truth's."

Normal

2010-10-22T19:46:00.001-06:00

Ever read the children's book called Too Much Noise?

That's how I feel tonight.

Strip away one bronchial infection, one two-week trip to Italy and Switzerland, the writing of 36 individual lesson plans for various substitute teachers, the finding of a substitute teacher for one primary class (for two Sundays--from the airport), one pacemaker for my mother, one relative moving in with us, one daughter's wedding reception in our back yard, one wedding, one wedding dinner, one bridal shower, one loved and lovely bunch of extended family members staying with us for the one wedding, several of other people's wedding receptions, one 3-hour BYU class every Tuesday night, one trip to the ER, one adverse reaction to an antibiotic leaving two shins to look like they had [really] bad razor burn (for over a week!), two afternoons and evenings of parent/teacher conferences, two or three soccer games for one grandson, one husband with anemia, one daughter and her family unexpectedly moving from PA back to Utah, one house-hunting trip for the movees, one daughter moving back home (if only for a month), one garage filled with college-student stuff, one attempt at trying to be helpful by taking a meal into another family (but taking it to the wrong family), the start of one school year, the missing of three days of school for illness (I never had a sick day before now), three days of school for a wedding, and six days of school for a trip....and the packing of all of the above into less than one 8-week period....Strip all that away and what do you have? You have normal, but what used to feel like Too Much Noise!

Instead, on this first day of back-to-normal in less than 8 weeks, all I had to do (bronchial infection nearly gone) was get up at 5:30 a.m., unload the dishwasher, make the bed, eat a bowl of cold cereal, water the plants, wash my hair, and go teach my classes. Piece. Of. Cake. Ahhhhhh. I LOVE normal. Shoot me, please, if I ever complain again!

Advice

2010-07-17T14:53:00.000-06:00

If you're eating almonds out of one hand and you have an extra-strength Excedrin in the other, try to remember which hand holds which so you don't pop the pill in your mouth and chew it like a nut.

Friends and Family Days

2010-06-22T12:34:00.000-06:00

Dear Friends and Family,

We're going through closets and all the stuff in them as we prepare rooms upstairs for paint and new carpet. Here's the latest discovery: 3 perfectly good vaporizers. We don't need three.

1. We've had one here for years.

2. The Professor bought another one when he was at Notre Dame.

3. Sometime BN (before Notre Dame), he got up in the night here, unable to breathe, but couldn't find ours so he went to the store and bought another one. In the middle of the night! (I can't really blame him for not waking me. I mean, which is easier? Going to the store or waking me to ask where the vaporizer is? Do not answer that to my face, please.)

So, like I said, we don't need three. Anybody want/need one? If not, they'll go to DI. Because we're on good terms with DI this month.

Love,
Nicea

Next up: Hammers, screwdrivers (one can never have too many Phillips head screwdrivers), gloves, flashlights and other multiple purchases*. Amazing what you can find when you clean. Here's the success story of the summer so far: I found my favorite umbrella. The red one. It was in the bottom of my white purse.... IN THE LINEN CLOSET in the upstairs hallway!!! I should have known it would be there, right? Because most people store their handbags with the sheets and pillowcases.

Love,
Nicea

*On the subject of purchases. I'm pretty good at buying the occasional birthday/wedding/baby gift. It's getting them into the hands of their rightful recipients that brings me down. So, if your name is Megan or Brian, Jeff, Max, Rebecca (formerly Gilbert), Melanie Elison**, or Annie (formerly Pinegar***) you might want to come over and pick up your gift. It's taking up space.
N.

**Sorry Ab. We'll make it up to her when you come in September.
***Melanie - This plant's gonna die. Get over here!

Memorial Day Weekend - Part 2

2010-06-11T22:02:00.002-06:00

Nevermind.

Memorial Day Weekend - Part 1

2010-06-03T02:12:00.005-06:00

Mt. Timpanogos was there. As always. Firm. Like the song says.

And so were some very special military people when we said goodbye to Papa on Friday. He was 85. We're told that only the best are selected to pay tribute to fellow soldiers at their final resting place.

They're dignified. And solemn. And the way they handle the flag! The ritual makes me feel secure.

I wanted to salute them. Like these men saluted Papa. He had served in the Navy as a young man.

And this older soldier! Such dignity! I'm SURE he's part of the Greatest Generation. But I'm afraid he might never know how much esteem we hold for him. I really don't think there's a human way to communicate that to him. Can we EVER adequately thank him (and his comrades) for everything?
He kinda looks like my dad.

They presented the folded-up flag to Fred.

These three granddaughters were present. Blake came.

And little great granddaughter Perry, too.

She liked the chairs.

Announcing the Winner

2010-05-21T21:29:00.001-06:00

And Natalie wins the post naming contest by a landslide!! The winning title is (drumroll please) "Getting Old Sucks". This title was selected from among ~~thousands of~~ nine other entries. All hers. Thank you, Natalie, for playing. Thanks, too, to all other commentators for indulging me at my momentary pity party. And now, we shall not speak of this again.

Until next time.

Untitled - See Below*

2010-05-19T22:09:00.015-06:00

Not that I expect it from anyone, but if you ever DO go back into the comments on my blog (or anyone else's, for that matter) to see if someone has responded to a comment YOU made, and if you happen to have done so on my previous post about The Professor's birthday, then you may be calculating my age based on his comment.

Or not.

(While I think this is all about me, you are under no obligation to agree.)

In either case, allow me to explain.

It's much like a story problem in math. I am a certain age. I am 3 years older than The Professor. On his birthday, I thought it would be fun if he pretended, just to me, that he was older than I am. You know, to be nice. It was a chivalrous thing to do.

I thought it was a private matter.

And I'm sure he did, too.

However, when he thanked everyone for the birthday wishes in his comment on my post, he divulged the fictional age he had decided to adopt (in all his chivalry), inadvertently triggering a train of thought that any curious person reading his comment would, I assume, think: "Hmmmm. If X equals The Professor's age and Y equals the Number of Years Older she is than he, then The Professor's Wife's age equals X + Y or ______.

ANSWER: Let me be clear: I'M NOT OLDER THAN 61 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

I am, right now, a little sensitive about aging.

Sorry. I can't help it.

It's not that I have anything against old people. From the perspective of a 12-year-old, I am one. (Geez, from the perspective of a 50-year-old, I am one.) But still....

It has more to do with the fact that, as the years fly by at rakish speeds, I realize how impossible it is to have it all together all at the same time. Just when you figure out some bit of wisdom and start living it...wupp! There go the knees! You've almost figured out how to forgive and forget (Forgetting. Well, now, that's not so hard, is it?) and...flurp! There go the abs. Become more compassionate...blimey! You got jowls. You know what I mean?

But it's especially bad today because it's spring so I'm not wearing long sleeves. AND THE BACKS OF MY ARMS ARE FLAPPING IN THE FREAKING BREEZE!!!
I didn't even master any new insights before that happened. The flab just butted in line.

I hate it when flab butts in line.

*Please feel free to make suggestions. Best title submission wins a prize and the honor of having his/her title grace this post.

Wishin' and Hopin'

2010-05-17T21:58:00.002-06:00

Today is The Professor's birthday. Thinking about it on ordinary days, it's a pretty good thing. Because most birthdays are. Good things, I mean. But there's this one, stinkin' little detail: He's younger than I am. So every year I wake up on his birthday wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'....that he'll be older than I am. But every year it's the same dang thing. He just can't seem to catch up with me.

Happy Birthday, Professor.

Chatting Up The Professor

2010-05-08T21:12:00.011-06:00

This post is alternately called When a Parent Needs to Know and Where She Can Find Out.

It is customary for a young man to ask for the hand of the young woman he wants to marry. Typically this is done by seeking out the father of the future bride. For the hand of our first-to-be married daughter, Jeff went to The Professor's office and proceeded to make his case.

Apparently it was a grueling experience.

For the hand of our second to-be-married daughter, Blake went to The Professor's office and proceeded to make HIS case. According to him, The Professor has been improving his techniques over the last six years.

This information and the accompanying photos were recently exchanged between our two sons-in-law on Facebook. So, thank you, Facebook. When a parent needs to know what's really going on, there is no better place to look than on you.

This information may also explain why both Jeff and Blake had to have surgery before their respective weddings.

I love it when the universe reveals its secrets.

Oh, and Daughter-To-Be-Married #3, you may want to encourage any interested young men in the future to just pick up a phone. Or better yet, have them submit a brief.

The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs and Other Meaty Matters

2010-05-07T20:06:00.004-06:00

This afternoon I finished an absolutely magnificent year-long educational experience that I didn't want to end. It was my school district's associates partnership with BYU (cohort number something-or-other) for inservice teachers and administrators. I met some incredible colleagues from throughout the district and read some mind-expanding, thought-provoking literature that I know I wouldn't have picked up on my own had it not been assigned to me. (My reading tends more toward recreational titles like Alexander McCall Smith's The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs.)

But I digress. Another post for another time.

Three of the aforementioned 2-day-long education sessions took place at The Canyons Resort in Park City. Which brings me to my reason for ~~living~~ writing this post:

Where should we hold the 2011 Stimpson Family Reunion next summer?

I have a suggestion: The Westgate Hotel at the Canyons Resort. (NOTE: This is intended only to light up the discussion board, not to dictate anything to anyone.)

One thing I liked about The Westgate was that summer rates drop dramatically to $149 per night for a really nice room that

1. sleeps 8 [2 king beds and 2 queen pullouts],
2. has 2 full kitchens and 2 family rooms,
3. 4 flat-screen TVs,
4. 2 two-person [or four-person-if-you're-into-that-sort-of-thing-but-you'd-better-not-be--not on my watch] jetted tubs,
5. 2 two-person shower/saunas, and
6. a door that can be closed to divide the 8-person space into two separate, more private spaces (4 people in each).

On site also are indoor and outdoor swimming pools, a workout room, and then some other amenities that cost extra but I can't remember them right now--your typical resort stuff like a spa and hair salon--you know the stuff.

Photos here.

There are lots of things to do in the summer in Park City.

It gets us out of the heat, were we to hold the reunion around the 4th of July like we did for a few years in the past.

If Grandma maintains her current mobility, she could come to it and stay at our house for a few days before and/or after, as could anyone else traveling some distance. (We have sleeping beds for 10 adults plus as many floor spaces for children as needed.)

Bren and Teresa live in the area now. Bim and Krista have relatives in the area. Greg and Shawn have relatives in the area. Coy and Scott have relatives in the area. Kevin and Jamie have relatives in the area. Coy's and Scott's dogs have relatives in the area.

We are in the area.

Throwin' it out there. Right atcha.

It was just your typical Cinco de Mayo

2010-05-06T01:19:00.005-06:00

Until these two came for a visit. Texting and talking on the phone would have made them pretty boring visitors.

If it hadn't been for the exciting news they were spreading!

Save the date: September 17.

Things I Heart

2010-02-13T18:59:00.006-07:00

Can't stop thinkin' about tomorrow...and who and what I love.

The beginnings of my list:

the smell of new books

red roses

warm sun on my back

little boys

little girls

funny people

little kids speaking Spanish

a good haircut

a warm shower

a comfortable bed

road trips

a clean car

my family

folded towels

shiny windows

the scent of carnations

bean and cheese burritos

clean sheets

ironed pillow cases

emails

blog comments

typing

the smell of leather

mint fields

a pine-scented forest after rain

dusk

sunrise

starry skies

kindness

thunder storms

grandkids

summer

falling snow

restful sleep

a good challenge

the smell of fresh-cut grass

my job

good neighbors

NPR

50's music

dark cherry chocolates

fancy restaurants you can wear jeans in

humor

new shoes

creativity developed and shared

homemade noodles

Italy

people's individualism

a good novel

warm feet

chewing gum

Excedrin

learning new stuff

cute umbrellas

forgiveness

Mom

waking up at 6 a.m. to breathing in my face and "Gwamma, are you awake?"

fresh herbs and the smell of thyme

driving across the Blue Mountains

the ocean

train rides

getting off the airplane

pretty driver license pictures (never had one)

Costco

the end of a workout session

babies' smells and soft skin

clean teeth

cousins' dinners

family reunions

the end of a workout

bruschetta

watermelon

rosemary topiaries

fresh tomatoes

designer fabrics

a good cry

chips and salsa

hearty back scratches

Ground Hog's Day - 1987

2010-02-02T06:42:00.004-07:00

Are you ready to celebrate another birthday on this blog already?
Alrighty, then. Some tidbits for you.

She made lists to plan her parties. Lists of invitees. Lists of presents. Lists of games to play. Lists of party favors. Weeks before the actual day.

But first.....May I re-turn (la, la, la, la) to the be-gin-ning?

IN the beginning,

while we awaited her entrance into the world, the OB/GYN called in the stork team: about five specialists who stood waiting to take her away the minute her head peeked out. The only positive sign she gave them was a heartbeat. So for five extra days after her mother was discharged from the hospital, she had to stay. And her mother made trips back and forth to feed her.

Hospital gown, fashionable IV and ankle bracelets = evidence that this girl was destined for future employment at... Nordstrom?

Her mother was especially good with a camera even back then.

Who can find the baby?

She potty trained herself when she was three. She's five in this picture.

I just threw that in.

Watch her grow into her two front teeth.

See? Growing, growing.

Almost there.

Ah.

She has arrived.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MANDA SUZI!

You light up my life.

She's a Woman Half My Age

2010-01-31T20:18:00.005-07:00

January 31, 1980 at Kaiser-Permanente Hospital in Los Angeles.

Two months later, Nicea to Grandma Sue: "She's such a good baby. Is something wrong with her?

(Keep in mind that she followed her hyper older brother into this world.

So her mother was still trying to gain some perspective.

And equalibrium.)

Indeed, Annie was a good and nice little girl.

Who grew into a good and nice little teenager.

And a good and nice young woman after that.

This year and this year only, I'll be twice her age.

After that, the eternities move us closer together.

I like it.

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY, Annie Lizzy!

Oh, my word!

2010-01-24T21:57:00.002-07:00

Jamie taught me this game before she got married. Before she finished midwifery school. Before she even went on her first date with Kevin.

So, while it's not exactly an ancient relic, you might say it's been around for awhile.

There are some days when I play it for a couple of hours straight.

Because it's a good escape for me, and arguably more productive than watching TV. Besides, I've already seen all the CSI's, all the Criminal Minds and all the Law and Order SVU's.

And I'm not really into The Bachelor or Desperate Housewives. Though I did take a little spin with The Real Housewives of Orange County and their counterparts in New York City and New Jersey.

But that was just a flirtation. I'm over it now.

But I may never, ever be over this again! It may be my one laurel, the one I'm going to rest on.

Three oh one, oh five oh.
I took pictures because I didn't think you'd believe me.

Fat Cheeks: The Prequel

2010-01-08T19:19:00.030-07:00

For Jana.

Forgot I Did This Post Last Week

2010-01-07T15:48:00.003-07:00

I was looking through some photos from last winter. From 360 days ago, to be exact. Just shy of a whole year.

January 4, 2009 looks eerily the same as today*.

Pretty. But has anything changed?

I hope so.

I hope I'm a little smarter about some stuff.

I hope I'm a little wiser.

I hope I know how to love a little better, am a little more forgiving and a lot less judgmental.

I know I weigh 27 pounds less. Okay, 19. I put 8 back on since last June.

Backslider.

But the Oreos are all gone as is Ceri's fudge that Grandma sent. We all know the only way to dispose of that stuff is to eat it and I was dutiful. And now I'm a little less tempted.

BRING IT ON, 2010!

*Post actually written December 31, 2009.

Little Rascals

2009-12-18T06:43:00.002-07:00

These guys recently got a new home.

A celebration ensued.

The two events were unrelated.

But...

May all your holiday celebrations be as joyful.

Christmas Plagiarism With(out) Permission and With(out) Remorse

2009-12-17T08:41:00.014-07:00

"I'm lying here* on the couch listening to the dryer and the dishwasher. Those are good sounds." This will happen on Saturday. Though I AM lying on the couch as you read this.

"I've shopped 'til I have no more legs." Internet. Raw fingertips. My legs are fine. "I've wrapped the presents." Check. "I've trimmed the tree." Soon, my friend. Soon. It's standing in the living room with the ladder at its side. Baby steps. "I've hung the stockings." That would be Saturday. "I've washed the sheets and made up the beds." Okay, I washed the sheets. Geez.

"I'm pretty sure the dishes will waltz out of the dishwasher (white dishes can't dance) into the cupboards and the clothes will fold themselves and march up the stairs to the closet soon." There's just the small matter of the load that's been in the washer for a week. Rewash (again) with Tide and vinegar to remove the mildewy smell? I'll get back to you on that.

"And then the bathrooms will clean themselves and the dusting will somehow get done." If I don't wear my glasses, my house doesn't have dust. "For now I don't really care." "No truer words from tongue or pen..."

"BECAUSE IN ~~LESS THAN TWO~~," FIVE "DAYS MY KIDS START COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!"

~~"Australia "~~ Italy "was fun and it was exciting to be there" [with my best guy], "but ~~nothing beats"~~ THIS, "this feeling" [is oh, so hard to beat!]

~~"Eight"~~ Four "will have to be enough this year because Loren is on his mission. He'll call and talk to all of us on the Big Day. Besides, he doesn't have a spouse yet so even if he was only away at college, he might not even be invited because the name of the game this year is couples. "Abby and Jeff, Max and Perry are in Pennsylvania. :(

"Greg and Shawn
Tanner and Autumn
Jamie and Kevin
Duncan and Liz"

Fred and Nicea
Annie
Amanda

"Games, movies, presents, decorations, ~~2.99ers"~~ (maybe In 'n Out?), "caramel popcorn" (possibly), "buttermilk pancakes" (or a reasonable facsimile), "caroling" (uh... us? Not so much), "some spiritual stuff...and the list goes on."

"Nope, it DOES NOT get better than this. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope."

*a link to the person I plagiarized

Thanks be

2009-11-26T13:42:00.008-07:00

for the three women I raised

for these 3 of the 4 women who raised me

for the guy who cooks my turkey and makes good gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Serendipity

2009-11-23T00:11:00.136-07:00

I feel like I have a new friend since lunch on Saturday.

Maybe even another sister, if I have anything to do with it.

(One can never have too many sisters.)

Or friends.

I think that's proverbial.

Maybe even scriptural.

Spiritual, for sure.

SO.

We met a year and a half ago in a store I'd never been to,

in a city I don't drive to all that often,

on a day when I hadn't planned to go there. And I certainly didn't have the time.

At first I mistook her for an employee when I walked in, the cheery smile she gave me and all.

(Good customer service is expected from employees.)

But I already knew what I needed in the store so I returned the greeting and went about my business. Two or three more times in the minutes that followed I all but bumped into her looking through the same suits and skirts from opposite sides of the same rack. Or maybe it was pants. Or sweaters.

Anyway, two or three more times I noticed her and she smiled.

This was a classy lady. She looked confident. Put together. Happy, I thought. The mental note I made each time I saw her said there was something about her that I liked. But the thoughts didn't linger because how often do you run into a perfect stranger and begin constructing a relationship with them? Never. That's how often.

Unless your life is a movie.

In fact, I didn't even think about it. I just kept shopping.

At the checkout counter the real employees hit me up to open a new credit card.

I didn't really want one, and mostly didn't want to take the time, but said yes anyway. I also had an exchange to make.  Which took a long time.

The customers in line at the register next to me came and went.

I chatted with the girl at the cash wrap while I waited for the paperwork to clear. She knew some people I knew. We had worked in the same place awhile back...yadda, yadda, yadda.

Finally, she handed me the charge slip for my signature. I signed it then picked up my bags and turned toward the door, toward the last register actually, which stood between me and the exit. In my peripheral vision, I absently noticed that a tall guy was paying for his stuff there and the cashier was handing him his receipt.  Then, just as I looked up, the tall guy turned and I saw who it was.

"Tom!"

My surprise at seeing him came through in my voice.  The tall guy at Register 3 was my widower brother-in-law with whom I'd pretty much lost contact in the past many months!

"What are YOU doing here?" was what he asked me, and I responded in words to the effect that I was the one who should be asking that question since HE was the one

who lived three states away.

His reason for being there was a lot more exciting than mine, I discovered, when he introduced me to the woman he was going to marry that very afternoon. THE very lady, the one I had mistaken for a store employee when I first walked in!

What? Are? The? Odds?

Since that time, I've thought about her and Tom a lot, knowing that they live really close now, and wondering how to go about building a relationship with the two of them without inserting myself into theirs uninvited. I've gleaned bits and snatches of information from my nieces and nephews (my sister's very children!) while trying not to be intrusive or meddlesome or appearing to have an agenda. (But--I admit it--I have read her blog. So go ahead, call me a lurker. Sticks and stones...)

But, to me, blog reading's just not enough. Families need to be together, and I consider someone married to my BIL to be part of my family.

So that's why I was thrilled when, Saturday, all the stars in the universe finally lined up and she and I got to meet each other for lunch. It was a good day.

No, it was a really good day.

And I hope it's the start of a long and happy extended family friendship involving nieces, nephews, grandkids, children, husbands, aunts, uncles, and brothers-in-law.

Did I mention cousins?

Forgive me if I'm feeling a little giddy at the prospects.

Boo!

2009-10-31T23:45:00.002-06:00

The one on the right was on the left

And the one in the middle was on the right

And the one on the left was in the middle

And the guy in the rear*

Was Annie.

But this post is about the one on the right who is, more accurately, just a little left of center. It's about her because today's her birthday. Abby Jane "Boo" Gedicks McIntier. It might interest you to note that the nickname Boo didn't come from Halloween. On the contrary, my dear reader(s?), Boo actually derives from Boo Boo Bear, good buddy of Yogi Bear. The one in the middle, who is really on the left, called her Boo Boo bear when she was a toddler wearing her fuzzy pajama sleeper because she looked like a cuddly little bear padding around the house.

Speaking of bears, the one in the middle, who is actually on the left, grew his beard on the Appalachian Trail, which is home to many bears. But not to the bear on the right, who is more accurately just a tad left of center.

The one on the left, who is not part of this story, has never been on the Appalachian Trail. The one in the rear has.

Happy birthday, to you Boo Boo Bear. And many, many more.

Love,

Mom

*Johnny Cash

On September 19 . . .

2009-09-19T23:16:00.023-06:00

in 1978:
We ran some red lights in Los Angeles in the middle of the night.  While rushing to the hospital to have a new baby. We later realized we didn't need to speed because the baby wasn't delivered for 22.5 more hours! (It wasn't my idea to speed anyway. I was busy trying to confine the water breakage to the towel so it wouldn't damage our car seats. And I think Fred was just looking for an excuse to . . . be b-a-d.)

in 2009:
We obeyed all the traffic laws in Orem in the middle of the day!  While driving to the nursery to buy some new trees. We are now smart enough to know we don't need to speed. And the trees won't be delivered for four more days anyway. (It wasn't my idea to buy trees. I was busy working on school assignments. And I think Fred was just looking for an excuse to . . . plant trees.)

In 1978:
We suffered the beginning of a 10-day record heat wave in L.A. with a broken air conditioning system at Kaiser-Permanente Hospital. After the birth, a very hungry new daddy bought himself something to eat at the hospital cafeteria.

In 2009:
We suffered a beginning-of-the-season defeat in Provo by Florida State at LaVell Edwards Stadium.  After the game, a very disappointed hubby bought us some groceries to eat. At Harmons.  (I think he was just looking for an excuse to . . . buy ice cream.)

In 1978:
We stared at our new son and wondered what he would grow up to be.  Chewed a lot of ice chips. Had never drunk a Diet Coke, or any other kind of cola. (Except once in junior high when I took one sip of Debbie Steele's cherry coke when we rode her horses to the Dairy Queen after school. I felt like a true sinner. For a lot of years. I never told anybody.) We noticed how incredibly beautiful our new baby was.

In 2009:
We remembered our grown son and wondered what he would be like today. Bought large Diet Cokes and chewed all the ice chips. Noticed how incredibly beautiful the mountains are. (I think I was just looking for an excuse to . . . not prepare my Primary sharing time for tomorrow.)

We miss you, Alex, on your 31st birthday. No
                                        excuses.

I Am Kind

2009-09-17T21:16:00.013-06:00

of sad about my blog.

In case you hadn't noticed, all of my sidebar links have dropped, kind of like my boobs. They're all the way at the bottom and I don't know how to get them back where they belong.

My links, not my boobs.

This gorilla is sad, too. His Tavern on the Green in Central Park is declaring bankruptcy.

Labor Day

2009-09-07T08:17:00.000-06:00

It's no secret that I use my blog as an excuse to avoid doing less pleasant tasks. Like writing an inquiry unit for a class I'm taking. It doesn't matter that I just can't think of how to teach prefixes and suffixes using the inquiry method when the sun is shining on a perfectly good day off.

un + enthusiastic = "I don't want it!" (Annie, age 3)
power + less = you can't make me

So, I practice avoidance behavior. Whenever I can. And here's proof:

#1. I didn't blog all summer.

But who would want to blog to avoid these guys?

Certainly not I.

#2. I rest my case.

And now I believe I'll go outside and smell the grass.

Birthday Wish

2009-09-06T07:53:00.000-06:00

Wish we could call Ceri for her 56th birthday yesterday. I guess we COULD call her if we stood outside and yelled at the sky, but that is widely considered to be an exercise in futility.

I stood outside and yelled at the sky on Shawn's birthday. It was an exercise in futility.

Maybe it had something to do with what I was yelling. Or it was just a wrong number.

I'm still planning to call you for your birthday, Shawn, but I'll probably use the phone.

Not Bad for a Beginner

2009-09-05T19:46:00.000-06:00

These are not her running clothes. But this girl just finished the 180-mile Red Rock Relay in St. George this morning. She and 9 of her teammates completed the whole distance in about 28 hours, and finished in the middle of the pack.

Not bad for a beginner.

I Should Post

2009-08-26T20:46:00.001-06:00

Naaaaaa. (Rhymes with that sheep sound, "baaaaaa.")

But you might like this:
http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/kid-parallel-parks.html
It reminds me of how much I miss Max. And Perry.
And their parents.

Shared via AddThis

See You At the Reunion, Losers

2009-06-03T06:51:00.001-06:00

ALMOST all weights and measures are in. And, since I know where Jaime Escalante and Kevin are hiding out, ALL results will be in as soon as I personally extract their information from them. (Don't think I won't come right over there and get it. Don't think that for one tiny little minute.)

Here's lookin' atchuh.

Approaching the Finish

2009-05-27T07:10:00.000-06:00

Leading men's weight: James in Pink with minus 31 pounds
2nd men's weight: Kevin with minus 18 pounds

Leading women's weight: Jana Brookes with minus 35 pounds
2nd in women's weight: Nicea with minus 22 pounds

Leading Men's points: Kevin with 559 (three weeks ago)

Leading Women's points: Princess Consuela with 767
2nd Women's points: Jaime Escalante with 743
3rd Women's points: Jana Brookes with 732

Updated 5/28/09 at 6:37 p.m. mountain time

Remembering for Dad

2009-05-23T21:07:00.002-06:00

I know why they call his The Greatest Generation. Because I grew up in his household and saw him be that, firsthand.

He is probably the most principled man I've ever known.

To him, hard things are challenges to be conquered, not succumbed to.

He always does what he says he will do, when he says he will do it. You can count on him. You can trust him. You know he will take care of you.

You know he will always be true to your mom.

He has always talked straight, never skirted or dodged the truth, and expects no less of his children.

I've never seen him waver in his faith nor in his living of it. I've never even heard a swear word cross his lips! Rackalfratz is about as bad as it gets. Remarkable, considering the ugliness of a war he once fought in.

He loves this nation. His family. Things that grow in gardens and orchards. He understands the need to care for and protect them. He knows it's his job, not the government's or the neighbors'.

He doesn't need much to make him happy. The accumulation of things for the sake of having them isn't in his nature. He never needs the latest car or the biggest house. Just because something is more expensive doesn't make it better.

Frugality is his middle name: Clyde Frugality Stimpson. Turn the water off while you brush your teeth. Turn the lights off when you leave a room. Eat everything on your plate, or don't put it there in the first place. Learn to make repairs yourself. Take good care of your belongings. Make do with what you have.

He believes in never making anyone do anything he wouldn't do himself: like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, getting a college education, or finishing the job.

He believes in helping people and in giving back what's been given to you. And then some.

He believes that when duty calls, you answer. Willingly. With a smile on your face.

He pushes people toward excellence but when they falter, he grabs them by the arm and pulls them in the right direction until they can get their bearings and continue on their own. His children included.

He's an equal opportunity dad: you screw up, you pay the consequences.

He believes in being a good neighbor. And in obeying the law.

Sadly, this Memorial Day, Dad won't be remembering many, if any, of these things. Alzheimer's has clouded his brain and stolen much of what he once held dear. He doesn't always remember Mom. He forgets that he has to brush his teeth, take a shower.

Yet, he sometimes remembers in vivid detail his landing on the beach in Normandy on D-Day, the first wave of half-tracks that sank to the ocean floor. Severed limbs and broken heads. That whole fight against a tyrant. He remembers repairing radios. Playing Taps and Reveille on the bugle. How much he dislikes ham.

So, he's not the man we once called Daddy, nor the one his friends playfully slapped on the back or the one who loved to dance at parties. But I know he will be again, someday. And I want to get to know him then, as a friend, as the man Mom married, the one who could be the life of the party one minute and the dispenser of wisdom the next.

He's not likely to be with us much longer. A year? Five? A few months? No one knows. But I do know he needs us, now and always, to remember for him. And for his contemporaries, including Mom, who were and are The Greatest Generation.

Call Your Bookie

2009-05-14T19:31:00.000-06:00

A dark horse has emerged

and the points race just got more interesting!

Men's points:
Kevin, 553 (last week)
B. Hammock, 2 (Can you say glue factory?)

Men's weight:
James in Pink, -29 (by 11 lengths)
Kevin, -18 (last week)

Women's points:
Princess Consuela, 630 - Whoa, Nelly!!!
Jana Brookes, 618 (Prior omission was track manager error--lo siento, JanaB.)
Jaime Escalante, 580 (last week)

Women's weight:
Jana Brookes, -30 (by a furlong)
Nicea, -16 (still in the saddle)

Thanks Dukes, Boo, Suz, Professor and Jamie, Duncan and Liz!

2009-05-11T07:14:00.000-06:00

These gorgeous flowers arrived Saturday via courier.

(Photo by Shawn)

I was surprised.

Why? Well, because the Professor was on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic.

Dukes is across the country ~~setting up for~~ conducting court.

Boo is in Buffalo.

And Suz.....well, she's in the vicinity and even came for dinner with a sweet gift, a funny card and her cute friend Mandy. She had even conspired with the bishopric in a surprise tribute to all the mommy primary teachers! All this while attending to business in her own BYU ward.

I was happily surprised, that's all. With my immediate family scattered to [mostly] the north and easterly winds, I didn't expect anything at all.

However, it was far from a lonely Mother's Day. Shawn, Jamie, Duncan (and Liz) were under this very roof. Jamie, Duncan and Liz shopped for food and cooked us a super nice roast with mashed potatoes and a yummy Caesar salad + dessert: strawberry shortcake. It was heavenly. AND, they did all the dishes afterward. That was heavenly, too.

The professor emailed to say he'd been bumped up to first class and had had a lovely flight to Milan.

Dukes called from Sidley's War Room. Boo in Buffalo called. And the Suz came to keep me company.

I talked to my very own mother who continues to amaze and inspire me in all ways.

Then went for an invigorating walk with the dinner cookers and Shawn on a lovely spring evening in O-Town. 'Twas a lovely day indeed.

Even a Cream Puff Couldn't Stop Her!

2009-05-04T22:09:00.000-06:00

Nor could a broken treadmill and a Mexican dinner at Joe Vera's!

Ms. Jana Brookes still holds the women's lead in weight loss with an amazing -29 pounds lost so far!

Nicea's at -14 pounds, after attending the same cream puffy bridal shower as Jana Brookes. Yes, she ate one, too. A cream puff, not a bridal shower.

James in Pink was up against much the same odds last week (broken treadmill but minus the cream puff because he didn't attend the offending bridal shower) and managed to decline to a -27 pounds in total.

Our man Kevin managed to whittle his pounds down another notch for an 18-lb. loss overall and leads the men's point pack with a big 559.

Contending in women's points are Jaime Escalante with 580, Jana Brookes with 561, and Annie with 478.

Way to go losers!

April showers bring May showers

2009-05-02T10:18:00.000-06:00

So, I'm wondering how Liz's family and Duncan are doing outside in the rain this morning. It's flower planting day. It's also raining cats and dogs.

How do the wonderful people in Portland get the job done when it rains so often there? Maybe they're a tougher breed than I am. They just go out do it.

art by Alexander Volkov

Sherry Carpet is just another name for culchuh

2009-04-29T06:46:00.000-06:00

because she never lets us forget National Poetry Month. And lest April get away from some of us before the occasion is duly noted, let me take this opportunity to bring you a little spring thing from e.e. cummings, which I also put into a comment on Sherry's State of Friss just last night:

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window, into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and from moving New and
Old things, while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there) and

without breaking anything.

Just Desserts

2009-04-28T19:30:00.000-06:00

Pondering my 2-lb. weight gain of yesterweek brought me to the not-surprising realization that eating

2 white, cream-filled, frosted cupcakes and

1 chocolate frosted cupcake

(maybe two, I can't be sure),

several [large, very] chocolate-dipped strawberries,

1 orange/pineapple graham cracker crust jello dish (no photo),

3 [large,very] BYU chocolate chip cookies,

2 [large, very] BYU other kind of cookies and

2 more [large, very] still other kind of cookies,

2 [tall, very] all-fruit smoothies and

1 piece of cheesecake topped generously with raspberry sauce

may have been the reason.

No pare. Sigue, sigue!

2009-04-28T07:51:00.000-06:00

Of those reporting...
Points, men:
Kevin: 505
Banana H: 2 (He's gainin' on you, Kev)

Weight, men:
James IP: minus 26*
Kevin: holding at minus 17
The Professor: a respectable minus 5*

Points, women:
Jaime E: 528*
Jana Brookes: 507
Annie: 437

Weight, women:
Shawnie: minus 79 !!!!! (unofficial)**
Jana Brookes: minus 25
Nicea: minus 12.5 (that's a 2-lb. gain)

No pare. Sigue, sigue!

*added or updated 4/28
**scales crushed by auto (or something like that)

Now it's time to say goodbye...

2009-04-26T22:23:00.000-06:00

to all our company,
M-I-C, See you real soon!
K-E-Y, Why? Because we like you!
M - O - U - S - E.

I never like the night before anyone in my family goes away, but especially when the little ones take their leave. It's so final to see the suitcases filling up and the memories stowing away. Tomorrow night will have no bedtime hugs and big, wet kisses. No one will say, "Gwamma let's read it one more time. Just one more time."

So, I'm lucky they'll all be back in June.

I've Just Received a Screamer

2009-04-25T20:45:00.001-06:00

and I deserved every word of it! My apologies to Princess Consuela who will be gravitating on May 2 with not one but TWO(2)(dos)(deux)DEGREES OF GLORY: elementary education AND deaf education. Please take a moment to conglomerate her on this most auspicious occlusion.

Pomp and Circumstance

2009-04-24T21:43:00.000-06:00

Not to be confused with pop and circumcise. Instead, think granulation, that happy time of year when scholars everywhere commence. Conglomerations to Jeffy McIntier for his masters in the economies, Kevin Federline Escalantepoo for his marriage/dentist's license, Jenica from Texas for getting her bachelor in '08 and her degree in '09, and B-hal for doing the matriculation March for a Masters (in public administration) with style. Kudos and Props. High Fives and Wahoos.

22, 23, 24

2009-04-24T19:47:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else think it's cool that three extraordinary ~~people~~ flowers in this family were born on three consecutive days in tulip lovely April? Lola Fallana, Jaime Escalante, and Miss Kitti! In that order.

You probably all realized this long before I did, but I just now put it all together. And it inspires awe in me.

This Just In

2009-04-22T07:32:00.000-06:00

With ~~almost~~ all polls reporting, here are the current Loser standings ~~as we know them~~:

Men Points
Kevin - 454*

Men Weight
James in Pink - minus 24
Kevin - minus 17*
B.Hammock - minus 7.5

Women Points
Jaime Escalante - 471 points
Jana Brookes - 448
Nicea - 419

Women Weight
Jana Brookes - minus 23
Nicea - minus 14.5
Shawnie - minus 4

*updated 4/24/09

I Think Hell Just Froze Over

2009-04-16T06:39:00.000-06:00

No, it isn't hell after all. Just Orem under six inches of snow. (The weather guys are calling it three inches, but what do they know?)

It really IS beautiful, and I'm the first to say so. But who'da thought we'd wake up to this on April 16?

In truth, I wouldn't have it any other way if I were staying inside all day. But I just can't contain myself! Today's the day I'm driving to St. George to pick up these guys:

They flew in from Buffalo to escape the snow.

And they brought their mom.

She doesn't get out much.

We took her to NYC for her birthday last October. I think the birthday dinner and all the excitement were just too much.

She must have been at the dance studio the day our family covered the chapter on Table Manners in the Big City.

The Brookeses AREN'T Babbling......and the Points Are In

2009-04-14T08:58:00.000-06:00

No siree! James in Pink and Jana Brookes are killing us in the weight loss competition. They lead the male and female packs, respectively, with a whopping minus TWENTY-ONE pounds lost.

EACH!

(Cute how they've both lost the same amount, huh? You'd think they liked doing things together or something.)

I'll post points later. Still waiting for the dentist.

I think he might be busy packing up his tiny mouth mirror and all those metal pokers that dentists stick in your mouth.

To take them to Colorado. Or maybe he's actually driving to CO as we speak. Or maybe he's already there, in which case, we know why he hasn't had time to email his weekly totals.

It's okay, newlyweds. You're excused.

For a minute.

In other news...

Never mind, there isn't any.

Unless you consider this to be news.

Love you, reunionnaires all.

P.S. Hey, Richard Dandelion, my computer go-to man. I owe you for teaching me how to insert a link. This is a debut in this blog, man!

(And I'll bet Amanda didn't even think I knew what a link was. Ha! Like she implied in her blog, though, I like to think about things for about four months before I act on them. One can never be too careful.)

Addition to Post:
POINTS AND WEIGHT STANDINGS

In the Men's Categories:

#1 points - Kevin with 402 big ones.
#2 points - Banana Hammock with 2.
#3 points - No one.

#1 weight - James in Pink, down 21 pounds!
#2 weight - Kevin, down 17 pounds!
#3 weight - Banana Hammock, down 7.5 pounds!

In the Women's Categories:

#1 points - Jaime Escalante with 416.
#2 points - Jana Brookes with 391.
#3 points - Nicea* with 365.

#1 weight - Jana Brookes with minus 21!
#2 weight - Nicea with minus 10!**
#3 weight - Shawn with minus 5!***

*I've been keeping track of my points at school and forgetting to bring them home to post. I just finally added them all up today. Surprise!

**We didn't weigh in today because we're on spring break, so this may be inaccurate.

***As of April 2.

I Have a Code Id By Doze.

2009-04-06T16:41:00.000-06:00

It has the poe-ten-shee-al-i-tee of making me rather mizzer-buhl.

I drips and drains. I snorts and coughs. I blows and wipes. I sniffs. I clears my throat.

And I hunkers down for the duration.

All the vitamin C and healthy eating couldn't save me from little Elthon Sandoval. He coughed. Right in my face! Caught me off guard, he did.

But only once.

Being the fast learner that I am, I ducked all the rest of the times! Yup. Watched those pesky germs sail right over my head.

Yet...

I knew what was coming.

And you knew that the stats from the Stimpson Biggest Loser contest were coming, too. Didn't you.

Here they are:

MOST POINTS (of those reporting):

Men - Kevin with 347! (He's competing against himself. I hope he wins!)

Breaking news at 8 p.m.: Escalante Bumps Women Down a Notch.
Women - 1. ~~Jana Brookes with 332~~Jaime Escalante with 354! 2. ~~Nicea with 319~~Jana Brookes with 332!

~~(I think Jaime Escalante's ahead of me, but she hasn't reported yet and I SO wanted to have my name in lights for just a minute.)~~

MOST WEIGHT LOST (of those reporting):

Men - 1. James in Pink with minus 20! (WAHOOOOOO) 2. Kevin with minus 13!

Women - 1. Jana Brookes with minus 17! (WAHOOOO) 2. Nicea with minus 10!

(I gained 1/2 pound last week. Must have been those two white-chocolate popcorn balls with M&Ms in 'em at the bridal shower. What?! They were little. They were.)

Guess I'll Blog

2009-04-04T16:06:00.000-06:00

It's a conditioned reflex at this point. Pavlov's dogs. The washing machine is re-washing for the third time a load I put in there a few days ago and kept forgetting about. Now I hear the spin cycle and am mysteriously led by my senses to my desk chair.

Which sits in front of my computer.

Which allows me access to the outside world. And a look at your blogs. Since no one in the world has posted or commented in the last few hours, I see that it falls to me to be obliging once again.

Okay. I'm ready. Okay.

My fingers are poised at the keyboard.

They're raring to go.

The washing machine is into the rinse cycle.

It's a race to the finish.

Ready. Set.

Type!

Come on, thoughts. Come to Mommy.

Here goes:

I really have nothing to say.

Except that I'm reading a good book right now called Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen that I bought at the University of Notre Dame bookstore.

"Read me. Read me now," it calls.

Its voice is louder than the washing machine's.

Goodbye forever.

Neesh

Melting Fat

2009-04-01T17:28:00.000-06:00

Here are Week 6's weigh-in results. Drum roll.

Wait, wait, wait. Hey you Stimpsons who aren't participating, is that the sound of cheering I hear? Yes, indeedy! No, not because you lucky duckies can eat anything you want. Well, you CAN cheer for that, too. If you want. But mostly you're cheering for the weight-loss marathoners. In case there was a question.

I believe in communicating clear expectations.

Now, where were we? Oh, yes, drum roll. Again, please, since we were so rudely interrupted.

Geez.

Most points, men: Kevin with 294!
Second most points, men: Banana Hammock holding at 1. (Yes, that's one! Uno.)

Most points women: Jaime Escalante with 290!
Second most points, women: Jana Brookes with 268!
Third most points, women: Annie with 242!

Most weight lost, men: James in Pink at minus 17!!!
Second most weight lost, men: Kevin at minus 10!!!

Most weight lost, women: Jana Brookes at minus 13!!!
Second most weight lost, women: Nicea at minus 10.5!!!
Third most weight lost, women: Shawn at minus 5!!!

WOOOOP. WOOOOP. WOOOOP.

Prompted by My Sister's Dislike of Spiders...

2009-03-29T21:47:00.000-06:00

and copied (almost) word for word from my comment on her blog.

I tell you, I don't love spiders, either, but my biggest, no, HUGEST disgust is with cockroaches. I despise them. I hate them. They are despicable, they are evil, they mess with your head, and they have absolutely no purpose whatsoever on this planet.

I'd be willing to stake my reputation as a cockroach hater that they serve no purpose on any other planet either.

They are COWARDS. They come out at night and sneak into your bread box. They hide under your sink and crawl out of your bathroom drains. When you flip on the light they scatter like a bunch of drug pushers busted by police.

They don't even have the guts to look you in the eye.

Oh, they do have GUTS though. Just try stepping on one.

You'll only do it once.

After that, you'll REMOVE your shoe and hurl it at the perp with every ounce of strength you can muster.

This is my best extermination method because the crash of the impact of shoe against wall makes enough noise that you can't hear the cockroach's body squish. Or, more accurately, crunch.

Unless it's a V-E-R-Y L-A-R-G-E cockroach, in which case I usually bellow and roar while I hurl. (Hurl the shoe I mean.) A deep, gutteral, creeped-out adrenaline roar.

You NEED that much noise because killing a cockroack is to killing a spider as eating potato chips is to eating marshmallows.

But cockroaches can outrun you. So you'd better have both shoes ready. Or a whole arsenal.

And don't think bug spray can save you. I once used nearly a whole (large) can of Raid chasing down one arrogant 4-inch cockroach. All I got was a layer of oily, slippery film on my kitchen floor. The drenched roach got away.

I hope it got arthritis in its knees.

Thank goodness we're not living among them any more. But twenty-one years later, I s.t.i.l.l. r.e.m.e.m.b.e.r.

Who else's children spent their early developmental years yelling, "Roach alert! Roach alert!"

Stardate 3/28/2009 BLOG UPDATE -

2009-03-24T19:08:00.000-06:00

Some of us are gonna be pret-ty surprised when we read the Biggest Loser results for the end of Week 4.

UPDATE:

Okay, folks. I hope you weren't holding your collective breath while you waited for the results of last week's weigh in.

Oxygen-deprivation does not a healthy person make.

I apologize from the bottom of my file cabinet for making you wait so long, especially the esteemed James and Jana duo. LOOK AT 'EM GO! Seriously, they're going, going, g-o-i-n-ggggg.......

Most points women: JanaBrookes - 209 !!! (Annie's in 2nd place with 203, followed closely by the Princess with 201.)

Most points men: Kevin - 238!!! Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire! (Maybe there's a better expression I could have chosen to celebrate with.)

Most weight lost women: JanaBrookes - 10 lbs. !!!! Followed by Nicea holding at -7 and Shawn with -4.

Most weight lost men: James in Pink - a whopping 12 pounds lost !!! followed by Kevin with -9.

Way to go gentlemen!

This concludes the update. You will may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

END OF UPDATE.

Actually, I just changed my mind.

I'm gonna wait for Annie and Jaime to send me their results before I rush into any hasty revelations. I sooo hate to be wrong, and they might just refute the evidence heretofore collected. Stand by.

An Open Note to Jaime Escalante

2009-03-20T21:09:00.000-06:00

I deserve the "you didn't lose it, did you?" comment from you, Jaime. You must know me pretty well!

However, the answer is no, I did not lose your check. It's actually in my purse right here in Indiana. If you don't want to hear the details of the whole story (Shawn, here's where you can tune out because I know how much you love my detailed narratives), you can stop reading now.

So. I put the checks, as they arrived, in my office. Then I remembered that you, Jaime, wanted yours cashed immediately.

(Immediately is a relative term. I learned it from my kids.)

But the next day, in a good-faith move, I made a record of who had paid, then moved the goods into the kitchen and onto the counter where I'd remember to take it all to the bank. A week later it was still there, but with a plan.

It planned to go to the bank.

It told me.

When I was packing to come see The Professor at Catholic school, I transferred the loot to my car and planned to drop it all off at the bank on my way to the airport the next day. However, I didn't get away from school early enough to do that. I'd have missed my flight!

So the Biggest Loser collateral went with me to the shuttle parking lot.

"I shouldn't leave this in my car," something told me, speaking of the money.

I think it was my conscience speaking. So I put it in my purse (the money, not my conscience).

Now it's in South Bend.

It's enjoying the break.

Thoughts on Exercise. . .

2009-03-13T18:45:00.000-06:00

as received from a friend at work who forwarded them to me in an email today. I don't know who wrote them but if I did, I would certainly give that clever person credit right here. Since I can't give proper acknowledgement, let me at least share them with my loser family, especially those who haven't done much exercising in recent history but are readying themselves for Weigh-In #3 this weekend.

You know who you are.

"Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air. Then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed and her thin, cruel lips pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Perky, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And, if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me those stupid barbells. Or anything else that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner. And I would have, but I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote so I ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!"

And here, Stimpsons, are the Biggest Loser stats (of those reporting) going into the weekend:

1st place weight loss, women: Nicea (-4), Shawn (-4)

1st place weight loss, men: Kevin (-6)
2nd place weight loss, men: Banana Hammock (-4)

1st place points, women: Jaime Escalante (110)
2nd place points, women: Jana Brookes (85), Princess Consuela (85)

1st place points, men: Kevin (114)
2nd place points, men: no contest (Banana Hammock thinks his total is 700. Ha! Somebody give this boy a reality check, will ya?)

NEW POST

2009-03-12T07:38:00.000-06:00

That's all this is. A take-up-the-space post so the old bra one doesn't have first billing any more. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have nothing more to say on the subject of bras. And I sense that the same is true of you.

In fact, I left the old post up long enough for your comments, but since you had nothing whatsoever to say about underwear, well . . . it's okay. I don't blame you.

I blame Oprah.

The saleslady at the store where I bought that particular bra (before it had developed dimples)told me that Oprah had put said bra on the map.

I was smitten by its celebrity.

But I should have known it would fit me differently than it would fit a map.

So, goodbye to the old post. Goodbye to the dimpled underpinning.

Goodbye forever.

Love,
Neecher the Teecher

Why My Bra Has Dimples

2009-03-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

Sometime during approximately the third week, perhaps even as specifically as the third day of the third week, of my participation in my school's Biggest Loser contest, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. Yes, my pants weren't quite as snug. Yes, I was feeling a little more energetic without all the sugar in my system. Yes, I was pretty proud of myself for sticking to the program for this long. And yes, I had lost a few pounds. But to the naked eye none of this was even visible to anyone.

I said to myself, "This isn't even visible to anyone."

But, oh, did my heart sink when I changed into my p.j.s one night and noticed what WAS visible to the naked eye.

Dimples.

In the padding of my bra. What once was convex is now concave.

That's not the region I had in mind when I decided to shed some pounds. (Not that I really care.)

It's just that I don't think it's right.

Pay It Forward

2009-03-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

"The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a handmade (or possibly store-bought) gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. There's a small catch though: you have to post this same thing on your own blog and then come back and leave a comment telling me you're in. Remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift!

You Are SUCH a Loser

2009-02-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

Spread the word to anyone else who wants to participate in the Stimpsons' Biggest Loser. I'll send a point chart via email to everyone so you can track your progress.

We'll start on Monday, February 23 and go from Monday through Sunday every week.

After weighing in on Sundays, email me your weekly results (see chart when it comes in your email) and I'll keep a running total of everyone's progress.

Write your $25 check to me and mail it to me, postmarked no later than March 1. Does that work for everyone? (If you need my address, request it in the comments section below and I'll email it to you.)

When I send you the progress chart (in the next day or two), you can send me, via return email, your current weight and your weight loss goal, i.e., how many pounds you want to lose by June 7.

I made some additional comments on one or two of my previous three posts, but right now I can't remember which ones, so if you have time, there's a little additional information there.

Any suggestions or ideas, let me know.

Current participants: Megara, JanaBrookes, Nicea, Annie, Shawn, Jaime Escalante (points only, not weight), Amanda,The Professor (weight only, not points), Kevin, James in Pink, Princess Consuela, Banana Hammock, Sherry Carpet, COY, and B-Hal.

Did I miss anyone? Jenica, if you see this, tell your dad. He might want to play, too. Jana, would your mom want in? Or your dad? (I know your dad already walks half way around California every day anyway, doesn't he?) I wonder if The Professor wants to do this. Hmmm. I'll ask him. He's returning from Notre Dame tonight to celebrate George Washington's birthday this weekend.

Remember, you set your own weight loss goal. Every pound lost makes YOU a bigger

L-O-S-E-R.

Not to brag, but I've lost 6.75* pounds in two weeks. I won't mention weight loss again. I promise. Unless you ask. But aren't you more motivated now?

*The bad news is that it doesn't show yet.

Annie's Reunion Idea

2009-02-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

What would all of you family members think about the idea presented in Annie's comment posted to my previous post (Evolution and Resurrection) and explained by me after hers?

Evolution and Resurrection

2009-02-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, Megara recommended a series of exercise videos she thought I might enjoy. This got me thinking, because it's Sunday today, about Sunday sorts of things like evolution and resurrection.

Well, not The Resurrection, per se. More like resurrected things.

Like these weights I asked a loved one to give me for Christmas a few years ago. I'd like to resurrect them.

You never want to give your spouse this kind of gift for Christmas unless they specifically ask for it.

Most people only make this mistake once.

I haven't found my weights yet, but I did dig up my Jane Fonda Workout tape.

"Are you ready to do The Workout?"

Yes, Jane. Hit it.

We were friends.

If you wanted to look like her you wore the whole outfit: leg warmers, footless colored tights, striped leotard with babydoll sleeves. I did. Wear the outfit, I mean. Except, my hair color was the only part of me that ever really looked like her.

I still have the outfit if you ever want to borrow it.

My next get-in-shape era included a set of 7 Winsor Pilates tapes that began with The Basics.

If you preferred, you could start with The 20-Minute Workout and move on to The Bun and Thigh Workout or

The Ab Sculpting Workout,

or The Upper Body Sculpting Workout.

It was a beautiful thing, pilates on tape.

You never had to leave home and you could exercise in your Skivvies, but I never did.

Wear Skivvies, I mean.

I'm not that kind of girl. I wore my Jane Fonda suit.

I bought all of these pilates videos, oh, maybe ten (or seventeen ) years ago and have yet to try the Accelerated Body Sculpting one:

Well, I suppose, to be absolutely honest with you, I should disclose that I don't remember doing any of the videos except The Basics. And maybe the 20-Minute Workout.

It would be fair to say that Advanced Body Slimming would be over my head at this point:

A person can get super deals on these if she's really looking.

I'm always so motivated to exercise when I'm out looking.

Like when I got this video at Costco:

This is its PG-rated video cover. The one I actually bought was more like R-rated so I hid it from my husband because I didn't want him making any comparisons. Not that he would. But still.

I have always tried to err on the side of caution.

I don't remember ever doing Buns and Abs of Steel either, but I did run across this Simply Pilates multipack a year or two later. It came with 26 flash cards, a dvd and a booklet.

I was taken in by the flashcards. Flashcards call my name.

Because they know I'm a teacher.

Maybe I'll open them tomorrow and see what they look like.

My most recent purchase was this 3 in 1 Exercise Ball: The Complete Collection.

I actually bought it right after Christmas and my husband found it in my car about 10 days ago.

I had been wondering for some time what was in that pile in the back seat.

Apparently he didn't want it in there when we picked up our friends to take them to dinner. Apparently.

In fairness to myself in my latest efforts to get fit, I did lose 1.5 pounds in my first week, and I'll be weighing in at school again on Tuesday to see how my second week went.

And walking on this every day.
Which brings us to the current evolution of my ever-endangered, precariously-perched-on-the-edge-of-extinction workout routine.

One of my colleagues at school is using the following exercise plan. I think he found it on the internet. If I can't find my weights, I think this will be a good alternative:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato bags. Then try 50-lb. potato bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

This concludes my Sabbath thoughts on evolution and resurrection. Thanks for reading.

Happy Love Day

2009-02-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

I don't really want the entire world to know it, but I am in a total funk today. Lucky for me, the whole world doesn't read this.

There is so much I could do. I just can't make myself do any of it, so I'm about to go out of my ever-revving mind.

One more TV program and I'll go nuts.

Another sound from the radio (music, talk show, news, WHATEVER) and I might hurt somebody.

I could grade papers. I could clean my office, rearrange my closet, or, heaven forbid, I could even do laundry! Now there's a novel idea.

There is an entire boatload of messy drawers that need attention. I could even take down my Christmas tree.

I know, I know. It's freaking February 14 and my Christmas tree is still up. But it looks good in there, so it may stay up until Independence Day. So there.

Normally when I'm in a funk, I'd go eat something. But I'm doing The Biggest Loser at my school, and I need to lose 15 pounds by the end of May by eating healthier and exercising. If I don't make my goal, I'll lose my $25 "deposit."

I know, $25 isn't that much, and I told my colleagues at work that I could probably just walk away from $25 if a cookie or a capuccino Heath Bar blizzard tempted me. Or both. They suggested that I put in $100. But I'm not. So I can't even go eat something.

Besides, the two valentine cookies I ate yesterday were probably what put me in this funk in the first place. One small one and one big one. Cookies, not funks. Did you know that 1/4 of one of those Grandmother's valentine sugar cookies with frosting is 1 serving? ONE FOURTH!? That's just wrong. And did you know that 1 serving = 110 calories? Yeah, I ate all 4 servings, which equals 1 valentine cookie. Because I don't do wrong things. So go ahead and do the rest of the math.

I already exercised this morning. Twice. Well, not two separate times, but twice as long as usual. According to my calorie counter, I burned off a whole 2 servings of that cookie.

I guess I need to ramp it up a bit.

Don't even remind me about the second, but smaller, cookie.

I thought endorphines were supposed to raise your spirits. Oh, yeah. That was a long time ago. This morning. Before the funk.

So, maybe I should go do something nice for someone.

Yeah.

Probably.

I should.

I wonder what's on HGTV right now.

22 - Revisited three days later in an attempt to add some pictures that went on all kooky so I tried to delete them but deleted the whole post by

2009-02-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

mistake so I had to try to recreate the post. (Did you know there is a limit to the number of characters you can put in a title?)

Dateline February 2.

To all you new mommies and daddies out there who are posting your babies' pictures, and to everyone else who knows her, I just want to announce that my baby turned 22 today. Not 22 weeks. Not 22 months. But 22 years! And she still likes to sit on my lap.

If it weren't for her, I'd be baby hungry, too.

She had a rocky start. The docs said that all she had was a heartbeat, so the stork team was standing by when she made her entrance into the world. She had to stay at the hospital for a whole week before we could bring her home, but she's never been back. And now she wants to be a nurse.

She makes me laugh.

She calls me all the time just to check up on me.

She likes to shop. Sometimes she calls me to ask if I want to give her purchases to her for her birthday. Or Christmas. Or Tuesday.

She has many, many friends whom she treats like members of our family. I know because it's usually just family members who walk into their parents' bedroom late at night, right? Well, sometimes I'd wake up and there would be my baby and her high school friends looking down at me. In my PJ's. Right there in my bed. Snoring, no doubt. And probably with drool on my face. But it's all okay now because they're in college and they don't do that any more.

She still treats them like members of the family.

Like one time when she was on a trip to CA, she left her Jeep in our garage. I was home alone. I heard our garage door open, then I heard her Jeep start up. The next thing I heard was the garage door closing again. It's a mystery, I thought to myself. So this time I called her. The Jeep came right back. I insisted that she insist. It was one of those family members I hadn't given birth to.

Last October when the Professor and I took her to St. George with us, she let her roommate, a.k.a., Another Person to Whom I Did Not Give Birth, borrow her car for the weekend. It wasn't a very bad accident. But there were repairs required. On our insurance.

She is sooooo much fun to know. And to be around.

She's a wonderful daughter and I love her.

Happy Birthday, Manda Suzi! And many more.

We're getting a new president and...

2009-01-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

it's all so exciting!

Last night I watched the Obama Inauguration concert on TV, and I have to admit that I get a little choked up when people sing patriotic songs. Pardon me, but I still love* "This Land is Your Land" do, do, do, do, do This land is my land,

From Cal-i-for-nia to the New York is-land,

From the redwood fo-rest to the gulf stream wa-ters,

This land was made for you and me.

Sorry. I couldn't stop myself. (Tell the truth. You sang it just now, too, didn't you. Yes you DI--ID. And if it plays over and over inside your head all day and into the night so you can't sleep, please don't be mad.)

In all this excitement, I feel sort of like a little girl on Christmas Eve. The glitter, the lights. And soooo much hopeful anticipation! If only for a moment, all the possibilities are still . . . . . . . . possible.

Yet, I'm old enough to know that all our hopes can't be realized and all our dreams can't come true in this one. new. president. And they shouldn't be expected to because it's not JUST about him. Listen here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=96890409

Still, I'm REALLY excited! And I don't want to be disappointed.

So, in the spirit of it all, I'm going to start this era out with all my old patriotic tapes and CD's and have a big, loud celebration right here at the homestead. All day long. While I do a Martin Luther King Day community service project** centered around organizing some drawers and a closet upstairs.

And from now on, I'll walk instead of drive whenever I can. I'll recycle. I'll exercise, and eat out less. I won't procrastinate. (Lola Fallana, the long-ago-promised box is on its way!) I used to do all these things, but I got lazy.

*Do you want to know why? Because I think of all the ESL kids I teach--the Anas and Joses, the Alejandras and Jesuses and Cesars--and I want them all to be happy here, to feel like it's their country, too, and to see a future that's brighter than the one their parents had which compelled them to come here in the first place. And to not have to hear any more hateful remarks that demean them or tell them to go back where they came from. I want them to notice that we elected a president with skin the same color as theirs, not the one that dominates my little town. And then for all of us to forget about skin color entirely.

** I use this term loosely. :>)

Raise your hand...

2009-01-07T18:58:00.001-07:00

if you knew there were lots of Osmonds in Utah. Check it out, brothers and sisters. And lots of other IMPORTANT FACTS YOU, TOO, SHOULD KNOW about our state. Thank you, FMG, for forwarding this from Marc, and Marc for sending it to both of us.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/215400/january-06-2009/better-know-a-district---utah-s-3rd---jason-chaffetz

if you love Portland. Me! I do. I do. I visited there this week via this 1000-piece Eric Dowdle puzzle.

if you remember that little bench in our back yard. I couldn't find it this morning.

If you know how to get rid of this huge space below:

POST. SCRIPT. Thanks to niece Jaime Escalante for helping me remove the huge space. See? It isn't huge any more. Jaime is a newlywed, you know. A practicing midwife, newlywed, computer smarteee.

It's Still Snowing!

2009-01-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

Something else I might have done if my husband weren't home last night is hop in my little all-wheel drive vehicle at about 9 p.m. and go for a short spin all by myself around our quadrant of the city, just to watch the snow fall. And hear the silence of it.

I like the sound the tires make on unplowed roads. How light out it is. And muffled. I like that the few cars around have slowed to a crawl. That someone is shoveling a driveway at nearly every other house on nearly every other street, even as more snow comes and covers them all over again. I like that visibility is only about 1 block. And that a small group of folks are knee-deep walking around the corner.

Just to be daring, before I turned in for the night, I might coax the gas pedal to rev me up to a modest speed at which I might suddenly hit the brakes. I might fishtail! Or do a 360!

Nothing might happen.

But it could have.

Maybe 5 mph is too conservative a speed for thrills.

Have YOU ever done anything this wreckless?

What I might do if my husband weren't home

2009-01-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I might take a picture of a bench in our back yard and try to capture images of individual snowflakes as they fell onto it. But I wouldn't succeed in photographing the snowflakes because I'm not that good. Here's the bench, though. And you should have seen those snowflakes!

You see, it has come to this...

2008-12-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

The floor isn't vibrating any more. The house isn't shaking. I can hear the little sounds again like the clock ticking a mere twelve inches from my head. This can mean only one of two things: either the sound system on the downstairs TV has worn itself out of high decibel capabilities (not likely), or the second (of many) consecutive late night installments of The Annual Fred M. Gedicks Lord of the Rings Christmas Marathon Invitational* has come to an end. And not a minute too soon.

Reporting from our town at about three minutes before the hour of Christmas Day, all is calm, all is bright.

I will see to the stockings and....
then....
drift.....
peacefully....
off....
to....
sleep.

Zzzzzzzz.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

_____________
*Not to be confused with the Bi-Annual Fred M. Gedicks Lord of the Rings Reunion Marathon Invitational.

Experiment 2: We learn from our mistakes

2008-12-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

Now, that's an interesting twist. I just completed an explanation for you about this photo and why it's here instead of the one I had hoped to publish. My explanation included a humorous* account of my trials and errors and something about the fact that Jamie's wedding pictures (which I had saved to the same folder) keep popping up instead, every time I try to publish my new-and-improved photo. With nary a glimpse of my edited photo. Not a peek. Not a smidgeonary glance. When I tried to publish the aforementioned explanation, I was told rather rudely by this computer, that I must have double clicked on something-or-other or that someone else must be editing my post. Someone else? When I tried to answer back, it just put its hands over its ears and in a really annoying singsongy voice said,

"I c-a-n-'t h-e-a-r you."

Oh, you silly. It didn't really say that. But I felt like it did. I can be kind of sensitive that way. The nerve.

*in my opinion

In the spirit of full disclosure,

2008-12-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you that I'm a sucker for a cowboy. There are no ugly ones, you know.

The reason for this is The Hat. If you think about it, The Hat sits just over the eyebrow covering up most hairstyling indiscretions like comb-overs and mullets.

And it shades any other unfortunate details. Like say... the face, for example.

The Hat's shadow shrouds the cowboy in mystery and...well...any girl's imagination can just run around loose after that.

Mmmm. Duh-licious.*

I offer this photo because if you weren't there, you need to know that I'm pretty sure Kevin and Jamie's big day coincided with Tim McGraw's wedding. I'm pretty sure because I heard he took the missionary lessons.

Don't tell anyone about that last part because I don't think it's public knowledge yet, and I would feel really horrible if I were the one who leaked it out. Also, I'm really good with a secret and I don't want to ruin my reputation.

(But you know it's gotta be true because it's common knowledge that all the U.S. presidents have accepted the gospel in the spirit world. And Winston Churchill and Elvis. Oh, and I think Homer Simpson. To name a few.)

Anyway, the McGraw party tried to keep their shindig on the down low (cowboys are modest like that) but my keen eye spotted a black, dress-up-go-to-meetin' cowboy hat on THE ruggedest, best-looking wrangler this side of ~~the Mississippi~~ Tooele...and then another... and another... and another, until it was pretty obvious that something big was coming down.

Did I mention that cowboys clean up real good?

I cannot be held responsible for what happened next. Actually, any self-respecting member of the ~~paparazzi~~ wedding would've done the exact same thing. I walked right up and snapped me a picture. The result is my contribution to the Jamie/Kevin nuptials. Yippee ki, yi, yo.

My sincere apologies to Kevin and Jamie who do NOT like country music. But cowboys...Oh, they're a horse of a different color.

*Phrase attributed to the 2-yr.-old Amanda G. in the cold cereal aisle at the grocery story.

May I have the envelope please

2008-12-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

Due to the high volume of entries in the First Ever NiceA GiveAway, the prize committee has found it necessary to separate the entries into categories as follows (below). The winner of each category will have his/her name printed on a card and entered in the BIG GAME LOTTERY as soon as the most influential member of the committee finishes typing this post. One card will be drawn from the lottery by the accounting arm of the law firm Dewey, Cheatem and How* tonight before midnight Mountain Standard Time. The entrant whose name appears on the card shall be declared the winner. His/her $10 cash grand prize will be sealed inside a genuine paper envelope, stamped and hand carried to an official U.S. Mail drop box at an undisclosed location by the certified driver of ~~an armored~~ a car on ~~Monday~~ Tuesday, December 8 9, 2008, before 5 10:00 p.m. MST. The prize will arrive at the home of the winner within 3 - 5 7 business days. Check your mail box daily! Due to the unavailability of television cameras and an on-site camera crew to document your reaction when you receive your prize, the committee respectfully requests that the winner post a Comment of Acknowledgment of Receivership upon receipt of his/her prize on this very post. (This means that if you're the winner, you must say so in the comment section of this post.) The comment section is closed to any but the winner's comment. Check this blog daily to learn who the winner is! Contest void where no entries were made. Some side effects may occur. If symptoms persist, call your doctor. If you feel that you have reached this number in error, please hang up and try your call again.

CATEGORIES and WINNERS

In the Junior High Student Attitude category, Shawn is the winner with "stupid."

In the In the Spirit of Spiritual Spirituality category, Princess Consuela and Banana Dude wins with "shall be exalted."

In the I Don't Care How Thirsty You Are, If You Didn't Do the Wash then Don't You Dare Take the Last Diet Coke category, Lola wins with "gets the last Diet Coke."

In the She Died as a Martyr, Kings Shall Extoll Her and Nations Revere category, Megara wins with "also does the dishes, the vacuuming, the...."

In the Infliction of Bodily Harm category, Jana is the winner with "sorest bum" and "sorest back."

In the Kiss Up to the Prize Committee category, Annie wins with "has a NiceA."

In the Longest Run-on Sentence slash Run Up and Down the Stairs category, Abby wins with her breathless plea for financial aid.

In the Disqualified Because Your Entry Missed the Deadline but because You're My Favorite Son-in-Law and You Just Took the LSAT I'll Let You Stay in the Contest category, Jeff wins with "I just took the LSAT and did my own laundry."

*legal consulting team of NPR's Car Talk

First ever NiceA GiveAway

2008-11-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

I just love a good contest, don't you? Unlike some bloggers who give away fabulous prizes, I have no sponsors. But I DO have ten dollars provided by a donor who chooses to remain anonymous. And I want YOU to win it! Here's how:

Just finish the sentence under the picture on the right side of my blog, "She who does the wash...." If your sentence ending is chosen, the cash will be mailed to your home address in time to use for Christmas. (Hey, ten dollars is ten dollars. Some people don't even HAVE ten dollars to roll over. Just think about THAT, mister.)

CONTEST RULES:
Enter as many times as you wish. One entry per comment. Entry deadline is Friday, December 5, 2008, at 12:00 midnight, Mountain Time. Entries will be judged on how creative they are, how funny they are or how inspirational they are, whichever tickles the fancy of the judge, i.e., whatever mood he/she may be in at the time of the reading. Hormones and/or caffeine intake could determine the outcome. So could the behavior of certain junior high kids on any given day.

It's a Sign

2008-11-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't ask for it. It just came up as a verification word, and I'm pretty sure it means that BYU will beat Utah tomorrow. Pr-e-t-ty darn sure. UNRED. It would just be wrong to call this a coincidence. I know because of my spiritual side.

Holy Wars

2008-11-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

The last BYU football game I attended was, oh...maybe four and a half, five years ago. Abby was a Cougarette then. I had binoculars. I think there were some guys down on the field throwing around a football. Just outside my line of sight. Between Cougarette dances. I think. But at this time of year when the BYU-Utah rivalry comes to a head, it becomes necessary for no good reason in particular, to declare one's team loyalty. I pick blue. Because I like blue. I like red, too, but blue is a forgiving color. Anyone can wear it. If you can't decide, or if you're a fence sitter, or in a mixed marriage or in a politically divided family, then this is for you: Go BYUtes! Wear purple. Look like a bruise.

I'm So Nervous!

2008-11-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have been assigned the task of creating a specific post on which to collect word verification definitions and sentences for the family reunion. So much responsibility for one so inexperienced. But I'm honored that you have placed your faith and trust in me and I give you my word that I will not disappoint you. My word is habblet.

I made that up because there is no WV on this post.

Ladies and gentlemen, (re)start your engines. This is the place.

Experiment

2008-11-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

It would seem that someone creating a blog would do so with the notion that they have something to say to the world or want to leave behind their thoughts and ideas, as in a journal. Not me. I'm just experimenting. With a new medium. Well, new to me, that is. While I do the laundry. I'm sure I'll never be able to keep this up. I can't even finish the laundry.