I tell you, I don't love spiders, either, but my biggest, no, HUGEST disgust is with cockroaches. I despise them. I hate them. They are despicable, they are evil, they mess with your head, and they have absolutely no purpose whatsoever on this planet.
I'd be willing to stake my reputation as a cockroach hater that they serve no purpose on any other planet either.
They are COWARDS. They come out at night and sneak into your bread box. They hide under your sink and crawl out of your bathroom drains. When you flip on the light they scatter like a bunch of drug pushers busted by police.
They don't even have the guts to look you in the eye.
Oh, they do have GUTS though. Just try stepping on one.
You'll only do it once.
After that, you'll REMOVE your shoe and hurl it at the perp with every ounce of strength you can muster.
This is my best extermination method because the crash of the impact of shoe against wall makes enough noise that you can't hear the cockroach's body squish. Or, more accurately, crunch.
Unless it's a V-E-R-Y L-A-R-G-E cockroach, in which case I usually bellow and roar while I hurl. (Hurl the shoe I mean.) A deep, gutteral, creeped-out adrenaline roar.
You NEED that much noise because killing a cockroack is to killing a spider as eating potato chips is to eating marshmallows.
But cockroaches can outrun you. So you'd better have both shoes ready. Or a whole arsenal.
And don't think bug spray can save you. I once used nearly a whole (large) can of Raid chasing down one arrogant 4-inch cockroach. All I got was a layer of oily, slippery film on my kitchen floor. The drenched roach got away.
I hope it got arthritis in its knees.
Thank goodness we're not living among them any more. But twenty-one years later, I s.t.i.l.l. r.e.m.e.m.b.e.r.
Who else's children spent their early developmental years yelling, "Roach alert! Roach alert!"
16 comments:
Tell me this wasn't inspired by something you found in the house recently. As for spiders..I can't deal with them. OOF! They TERRIFY me. Just ask Jenica. At our King Henry apartment one was on the ceiling and I sat in my bed, pulled the covers over my head, cried, and yelled for her to come save me..True story. Gross spidey.
Manda Suzi: No, it was actually inspired by Aunt Shawn's blog. But don't read hers if you want to get any sleep tonight. Just kidding. But I never see spiders here. You know that! Or cockroaches, either. (If I ever saw a cockroach in this house, I'd move. Did you know that before we moved from Macon, I washed down every single dish, toy, spice jar, shoe--EVERYTHING--and put it inside a black trash bag which I put into a packing box. Then I sprayed the bag, inside the box, with Raid before taping the box closed? Yep. That's how much I hate those buggers.
But to make you feel better, I am having an exterminator come soon. Just on principle. :)
i remember cockroach alerts. i also remember every time one of our neighbors moved in our out in texas, the roaches got restless. ew. i echo your disgust, mother. wholeheartedly. ps i did a similar thing packing up when i left from tx...didn't want to bring any of those vile creatures home with me.
Oh gag. I lived in southern Texas for 5 years as a child and roaches are one of the things I vividly remember. When we moved to Oregon I remember my Dad setting up my or my sister's bed and one crawled out and we all nearly killed eachother trying to run out of the room. Unfortunately, the job Brian wants is in San Antonio so we will be with the little buggers once again. I have already been trying to think up a defense strategy to keep them out of my home! Yes, I believe I hate them as much as you. There is no fear of them like I am afraid of spiders, just this overwhelmingly nausea whenever I think about them!
Inspired eh? How should I have known that?! Like the title tips me off or something...
Manda Suzi: Maybe your brain is like mine after all. Sorry, chiquita.
Megara: I just have one word for you: Eewww! I always wanted to tell them to get the h--- outa my house and leave me alone! Okay, that was more than one word.
P.S. to Megara: The lady we rented our infested house from in Georgia had a strategy and she told me she never saw roaches in there. She put 1-inch-high ridges of Borax detergent all around the inside perimeters of every cupboard, nook and cranny. She said when the roaches crawl over the ridge the soap crystals cut their abdomens and render them unable to reproduce.
I couldn't stand all the Borax in my cupboards so I washed it out.
Hmmm.
Isn't this just the most gross conversation?
I have blonde hair. I'm excused.
i'll take a spider over a roach any day. i'll never forget cleaning out a miami woman's home, where the unkillable brown roach had taken control. thousands. thousands. alive and dead. fun times. but not.
i did a lot, lot, lot of research about them to prepare myself for that cleanup, but all i really learned was:
1. they UGLY
2. they NASTY
3. they SURVIVE
Sherry: I KNOW!!! THEY NEVER DIE!!! They infest by the thousands! Horrible. Horrible.
And I can relate to your cleaning in the Miami woman's house. I did that in a woman's house in L.A. You said it, girl. Summed it up quite nicely.
I called my mother last night to ask what she did to keep them out. She said there is some stuff that bloats their stomach's so much that they die. So gross. And I don't love the borax idea, but I will try it if need be. We once were driving to Texas from Oregon and stopped late at night at a gas station in Arizona. My brother and I went into the bathroom, turned on the light, and ran screaming. There were so many you couldn't see the walls! Ugh, now I feel all creepy crawly!
new post. please? please?!!
I wish I hadn't just come back to this post to read all the new comments. I'm with Annie. New post please!
Shoot. I too was roped back in. Yes, definitely time for a new post.
Okay so I know that crazy word thing has come and gone but I just got "reareye." BAHA! Do with that what you wish..
Manda Suzi - I like your WV "reareye." That one has possibilities.
Megara: I believe EVERY WORD of your Arizona story. Anyone who's been around these hideous creatures is a once-and-for-all-time believer.
You're right, everyone. New post coming soon.
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